This month has felt like so many things. I talked a lot last month about how the body remembers and while I would rather not have to deal with mental health problems, there is a quiet beauty in discovering your triggers and learning how to tame them, and what’s made all the difference is not being alone all the time. This spring I’m living with someone else through the busiest months of my year for the first time in seven years. Merging a life with someone when you’ve been so independent and on your own for so long I thought would be a much more difficult task, not because of him but because of me and how I know I operate. I’m incredibly fortunate that I’m very cared for and very loved by my partner.
T and I actually worked together for three years before we started dating, and during those three years I felt a calm around him that I didn’t know was possible for me. When I’m operating at a 10 he is always able to somehow be the exact amount of understanding and grounding that I need in that moment. To have that kind of person to depend on day in and day out is not something I take for granted, I’m so incredibly lucky.
Highlights ✨
Recently T and I hosted cousins’ brunch in our new house with four of my cousins, my two siblings, and everyone’s partners. We made (mostly T, I was the yappy sous chef) waffles, bacon, hash browns, fruit, and T’s mom made mini quiches that everyone died for (me included). Our family shares a cabin nearby — no “booking it for a week” in the summer, we just show up and whoever’s there is who you’re shacking up with for the weekend. We all grew up so close spending most weekends out there in the summer, mind you it wasn’t the proper winterized home it is now but it was always ours and it’s always been a beautifully shared space that turned my cousins more into siblings. I always love when we get together, as the oldest I feel immensely proud of all of them, the lives they’ve created for themselves, the partners they’ve chosen, and the amazing adults they’ve grown into.
Went to watch my niece (bestie V’s daughter not my sister’s baby) in her last dance competition of the year. V and I met in dance when we were 9 and we’ve mostly been inseparable since. My parents have always called her their third daughter. Anyway, the competition was so awesome — it always makes me emotional because you never forget that feeling of being on stage performing, it’s a rush, it’s so rewarding, and you’re up there with some of your best friends. Her group did so well receiving a gold and a second place!
I touched grass this month! I got down and dirty with the garden centre. I got it in my head that I wanted to start my native plant garden from seed, which isn’t going horribly but could be going better. We’ve had to contend with the weather here in Winnipeg as well — most of the month was still freezing and then this week we’ve suddenly been plunged into full on summer… NOT COMPLAINING, just observing. That said, I think my little seedlings were lacking sunlight so when I do plant them I will probably supplement with some more mature versions of the same plant. Some elder millennials if you will.
I bought a new laptop! My MacBook Air is from 2018 and it’s really slowing down. I replaced the screen (because I’m clumsy) and the hard drive but I figured if I wanted so badly to get back into writing that I should find any way to make it feel enjoyable and not like a chore, so this post is being written on my new MacBook Neo! I don’t need fancy things on the computer just a touch of editing photos is all I require so I went for this new affordable option.
Challenges 🌧
Biggest challenge for this month has been feeling like I don't have enough time. That sounds very existential but I only mean it in the context of my job. It's just that time of year where no matter how much gets done I just feel behind. It leaves me largely exhausted and feeling like I don't have the space for much else. I'm incredibly lucky that my family and friends understand this and don't take my absence personally.
Lessons 🧠
I’m not a failure for wanting to supplement more mature plants with my wee baby seedlings. It’s actually smart for a thriving garden and this whole world is new to me. I’m TRYING, OKAY?
Setting myself up to do more of the things I love is priceless. Writing is regularly bringing me back to myself and I can’t wait to have more energy to really get going all on a speedy new laptop!
Letting Go Of 🔥
I think I’ve been holding onto a lot of guilt since coming out of the pandemic about showing up for the people I love. At first it was not having the energy, or stamina, and the anxiety of being around other people again after so long. I found I was incredibly socially awkward which contributed to the anxiety too. Then it became about building up my relationship with T again after being apart for so long, and now I think it’s about getting older and how our priorities change. I always want to show up as my best self and I show up when I can show up for the people I care about so I’m letting go of that guilt.
Carrying Forward 🌱
The grounding, support, and comfort that comes from having the right person by your side and the right people in your corner.
Getting outside and into the dirt! My garden has been waiting for me and I need to get my happy little seedlings in the ground (when they’re ready, of course).
Intentions for Next Month 🔮
Protecting my peace as the busy season really ramps up. Being a big “no” woman so I can make sure that I’m rested and ready for the big weekend.
I hope this found you well in a healthy and good place, if not, I hope it brought some peace to an overwhelmed mind.
The kettle’s on. Pour yourself a cup and join me at the table.
Steeping in This Month ☕️
📚 Reading:
She Didn’t See It Coming by Shari Lapena
Under My Skin by Lisa Unger
📺 Watching:
Perfect Match on Netflix
Pop Culture Jeopardy on Netflix
Love is Blind Poland on Netflix
A Good Girl’s Guide to Murder on Netflix
The NHL Playoffs
🎧 Listening:
Shop Local. (Playlist) by Me
🕹️ Playing:
Merge Mansion
Wylde Flowers
Published This Month 💻
kishiwaashiwin (madness)
I originally titled this piece “Beautiful Mind” but didn’t know how to translate that to Michif. Scrolling through my Michif to Go app, I came across “kishiwaashiwin” which means madness, and it sparked.
Support My Work
Brittany J. L. May is where I think out loud, make things with my hands, and follow curiosities wherever they lead — through letters, creating, wandering, and everything in between.
If something here has made you pause, feel seen, or linger a little longer than expected, here are a few ways you can help keep this space alive:
💜 Leave a note or tap the heart — it helps this work travel further
💬 Share a favourite line, image, or moment with someone who might need it
🌿 Pass this space along to a friend who loves thoughtful things made slowly
Thank you for spending your time here. Trusting me with your time is an honour.